


Different

by Alley_Skywalker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: AUish, Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-25
Updated: 2006-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alley_Skywalker/pseuds/Alley_Skywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can love between two people as different as Obi-Wan and Anakin lead to a happy ending? Is this love worth pursuing? And if it is to be obtained, then by what means and at what cost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different

_Maybe we were just a little too different to survive this  
_  
Maybe it was a mismatch from the start. Maybe we were never meant to survive this relationship. Maybe everything was already in the stars for us to read if only we had looked long enough. 

_You were always wild and free  
_ _While my mantras were set in stone  
_  
You had always held your freedom so dear and used it at every turn. Because once you had it no one was going to take it away. All your young life you had been a trapped angel and once you were set free you were sure to soar high and show yourself and your brilliance to the galaxy. You stepped over boundaries because you could – or at least because you thought you could. No one was going to chain you down again. No code, no Jedi Master, not even I. You are a beautiful disaster and you always were. 

I on the other hand sought no glory. I obeyed the code to the letter and the slightest glance of disapproval from a council member could make me cringe – from shame. I crossed no boundaries and cared for no adventures on my head. I am, and always was, the perfect opposite of you. 

_You’re a burning fire  
_ _A raging wind  
_  
“They won’t get away with this! They…” You trail off and your eyes go to me as I struggle to stay conscious. You come to my side and wrap your arms around me as you help me sit down despite my half hearted protests. “Stay here. It’s safe here… as safe as it’s gonna get. I’ll handle them.” And then you’re gone in a flash. A perfect, tender moment reduced to a faint, clouded memory as you are called away by the promise of battle – of vengeance. From my hiding place I watch you as you battle them, destroying everything in your wake. You fight, hate, love with the same frightening passion. 

_I’m the soothing water  
_ _And the unmoving stone  
_  
“Anakin calm yourself.”

“I…I failed, Master,” There is anger in your heartbroken tone and I only want to banish it all. The anger, the pain, the darkness that is swallowing you up. And I hold you. Hold you close like I’ve never done before. “Loosing a battle does not mean you lose the war,” I whisper in your ear and your only response is to nuzzle my shoulder. I can tell how crushed you are because you don’t push me away. I want this… I want to be the one to calm you. You hate my calm as much as I hate your storms of passion. And at the same time you need a haven to run to when the wind of your own storm gets too strong. Just as I need your spirit to keep me sane, to make me believe in something, so that I may retain my humanity and not become as cold as the droids we fight. 

_Maybe we were too different to survive this  
_ _The sun paints golden streaks in you hair  
_ _The heavens reflected in your eyes  
_ _You’re of another world  
_  
When you do Katas it is… I can not find a word to describe it. I’ve watched you hundreds of times as you perform the moves I have taught you and I still can not find a word that will describe the breathtaking image you create. The closest I’ve ever gotten was: divine. 

I watch now like I always do. I watch as you work your way gracefully though the fluid motions of yet another Kata. The golden sunlight of a dying Coruscant sun streaks through your hair, painting it gold. Your eyes are distant and they reflect the light, the blue deepened by the reflection of the darkening sky. You’re shirtless, you like to be so when you train and it has become a distraction for me. A drop of sweat runs down our nose and drops to your pink lips. It lingers there for a moment, taunting me with its impeccable placing, and then slides down your chin and over your chest. 

I turn away, unable to watch anymore with out temptation taking over me. But you stop me with a soft call. “Obi-Wan.”

I turn, unable to meet your eyes. You look at me steadily, trying to gauge my emotions. We stand there and say nothing. 

_While I’m stuck here, back on earth  
_ _I’ve tried to call you down  
_ _But you never came around  
_ _Maybe we were too different to survive this  
_  
You drop your lightsaber to the floor and walk to me. Your hands find mine and my breath hitches. “Anakin…” 

“You always stand there.”

“I try not to…”

“Do or do not there is no try.” You mock me with a small smile and I know what you’re thinking. You’re searching for that slip up, for that perfect opportunity to take me into a world that does not exist. A world that is not real. But I’m no angel. And you have wings only for yourself. If only you’d try to see things from my perspective. If only you’d come down to reality and realize what practical motives bind me here. I’m not romantic, Anakin, and I hate myself for ever slipping into sentimentality. If you would only pretend that we had never felt this way. But you won’t ever stop because you keep hoping that I will give into your sensual touches and longing looks. I will not, Anakin. I can not. 

_We’re going ‘round in circles  
_ _A confrontation with no end  
_  
Usually you know where to stop. Usually you’re content to just sit there, with your head on my shoulder and my arm around yours. But sometimes, like now, you will try something. It’s a soft kiss. Behind my ear, hiding timidly from the world. I pull away shaking my head at you. 

“No…”

“Why not, Obi-Wan! I‘m a Knight now…we can—“

“We can nothing.”

You jump to your feet, eyes blazing and jaw set. “Why the hell do you do this to me?”

The question is, Anakin, why do _you_ do this…to both of us? “Nothing has changed.”

You don’t hear me. You never do. “I love you! And I know you love me…I know you do. Say it! Say it!” Your voice breaks then and you shut your eyes against the burning of tears. 

“I’m sorry, Anakin.”

“I wish you were.”

 _You said “I love you”  
_ _I said “you don’t”  
_ _And so you said “be mine”  
_ _I said “you know I won’t”  
_  
We lie next to each other, snuggled in the warmth of blankets and body heat. The planet is an ice ball and I know you hate the cold. You look at me with sad eyes and snuggle close to me. I let you, and with more guilt than before.

I know now. Or at least I suspect. You are having an affair with Senator Amidala. You are with her. And I’ve started hoping that you would distance yourself and allow me some time to pick up the peaces of my shattered daydream and find a new warmth in the frigidness of reality.

“I love you.”

If it is possible you have only come closer. Or maybe it is because I hold you closer, unable to let go of something I never allowed myself to have. 

“You don’t.”

You look up and an understanding flickers in your eyes. You bite your lip but pretend to misinterpret me. “Be mine.”

“You know I won’t.” Now for more reasons than one. Now for more reasons than the code, than the fear of allowing myself to love. 

I wait for you to fight me. I wait for you to pull away. I wait for anything from and explosion to a pout. It never comes and I know I won’t be sleeping tonight. 

Have you become so tired of waiting for me, my Anakin? Have I pushed you so far away that you ran into the arms of a woman you know barely anything about? Or does your love cry silent tears just as mine has done too many times…?

 _Maybe we were too different to survive this  
_ _The sun paints golden streaks in you hair  
_ _The heavens reflected in your eyes  
_ _You’re of another world  
_ _While I’m stuck here, back on earth  
_ _I’ve tried to call you down  
_ _But you never came around  
_ _Maybe we were too different to survive this  
_  
You stand there at the edge of the cliff, hands clasped behind your back, head tilted slightly up to the sky as you watch the clouds. The rumbling see is beneath you, luring and beckoning you to except its challenge. And sometimes I am afraid that you will. You look so dreamlike standing there. I’m afraid to blink, afraid that if I do you will disappear. I come to your side and reach out to touch your hand. You snap back to reality and stare at me. Your eyes are the most stunning blue, they swallow me up and I find myself speechless. You do this to me too much these days. Your hair is dappled with sunlight and I find myself focusing on a soft swirl of blonde hair that curls at your chin and tickles your bottom lip. 

I reach for that curl, wrapping it around my finger, bringing my lips to feel its silky texture. And then there is soft warmth on my lips. Your kiss is gentle, shy and welcoming. I am lost in you. In your love, your passion, your warmth. And here our two worlds blend – your heaven, my reality – they become a strange mix of pink, white, blue, gold, all wrapped in a healing warmth. 

_You stole my heart  
_ _And ran away  
_ _Laughing like a bratty child  
_ _My dear boy can’t you see  
_ _This can’t end happily  
_  
Ever since I left my heart unguarded you have taken every opportunity to show me again and again how easy it was for you to steel it away. We would lie in the grass of some random forest, oblivious to the sounds of war far away from us – so accustomed to them were we. You would pick blue flowers and tickle me with them as you lay by my side. I would swipe lazily at your hand and you giggle. You giggle a lot more now. And your laughter makes me writhe in guilt. I have crossed a line I was never meant to cross. 

But you are oblivious to my bouts of uncertainty, sometimes spurred by jealousy when I think of you and the Senator together. You laugh at my embarrassment when you touch me in all the right, and at the same time wrong, places. Only to cover it all up with small soft kisses. What are you doing to me, Anakin? What have you _done_ to me?

 _Maybe we were too different to survive this  
_ _The sun paints golden streaks in you hair  
_ _The heavens reflected in your eyes  
_ _You’re of another world  
_ _While I’m stuck here, back on earth  
_ _I’ve tried to call you down  
_ _But you never came around  
_ _Maybe we were too different to survive this  
_  
You were always too good for me, my Anakin. Too powerful, too willful, too loving. You take things to heart so easily. You drink love and hate in to the fullest, allowing you to conquer all reason. 

I was only meant to be a Jedi. I wasn’t meant to love or to hate. I was meant to serve the Republic, not burn with the need of touching a young man. No to say a young man like you. 

I don’t think I realized just how much I was dependent on you. I don’t think that I realized that when I told you it was over that I was tearing my heart into a thousand little peaces and doing the same to yours. 

So you turned to her. The one who gave you what I refused to – a love that was never questioned.

And I turned to what I walked away to do. I turned to being a Jedi. But you stole even that away from me, as though having my heart was not enough. As passionate as always you ran after that romantic perfection – ready to play hero at every turn. But somewhere along the way you stumbled and fell to the Dark Side. And I could do nothing to save you. 

_Maybe we were just a little too different to survive this  
_  
You are dead now, my Anakin. Devoured by the flames of Mustafar. And I was their ruthless accomplice. Your son is safe now with his new family. And I… I have lost my purpose… It has been an hour since I’ve brought Luke to the Lars’ and I haven’t stopped walking still. 

All that is left now, my Anakin, is your lightsaber. You stole it all from me in the end. I have no more duty to hide behind. I have no more Jedi Code to use as a shield. All that remains is a shattered love, my Anakin. A love I denied both of us.

I activate your lightsaber and the Force is suddenly tinged with your signature. The blade reminds me of your eyes. Their azure blue. I hear an echo of your laugher, like a thousand chiming bells. What would you say if I lost myself in your eyes once again, my Anakin? What would you say if I were to loose myself in this cruel yet elegant part of you? What would you say if I became one with this blade, if I was to become one with the Force that was tinged with your signature? What would you say if I were to join you, my Anakin?

We were too different to survive this. But if I come to you now, my Anakin, in another plain, will you welcome me with open arms? I suppose I will have to find out the only way I can. Wait for me, my Anakin. This time _I_ will come to _you_ …


End file.
